Today Boutia Moshiri, who’ll be exhibiting at World Wide Art LA this year, shares her journey with breast cancer and how it’s influenced her “Mermaid” artwork series. We had a very heartfelt and emotional discussion ranging over her emotional and spiritual state of mind. Below you’ll find the questions and answers where Boutia shares all.
Q. When you first found out about having breast cancer, what was your reaction? Fear, anger, sadness, confusion?
A. My first reaction was how I was going to fight and live again if my faith in life and my god were turning their backs to me. I felt I was completely screwed up since I had other health issues to deal with too; definitely a sense of confusion and fear was accompanied.
Q. During that time, were you an artist and do you have any pieces that reflect that feeling? If you do, can you give a brief description attached to the image of the feeling that you were expressing?
A. Yes, I was always painting. All of my mermaid collections began with the start of my treatments and each speaks of my moods and feeling during 
the treatment. It was a five-year period. Each painting according to the year of completion expresses my emotion for that time. The very first one is called “Life” completed in 2008. When they told me I have breast cancer the words came to my mind “ You can take my body but not the soul. Regardless of the lifeless feeling. Still……I see everything as beautiful with joyous live surroundings.” After that the words one after another would come to my head first for each painting and then I painted based on that. The title of each painting is describing what was going into my head and the description of each is in my web site. I have painted another one with title “Confusion” in 2009. A true confusion about life.
Q. Did you ever experience the feeling of your womanhood being taken away during the process? How do you feel now about yourself and your body? Do you have images that reflect that feeling and can you attach them?
A. Before I knew what type of cancer I have and how advanced it might have been, yes there was a fear like an explosion inside of me. The wait to get results for biopsy and operation was worse than the actual cancer. Fortunately, mine was at early stage and they did not do mastectomy. But the notion of “it may come back” is a killer. I did a painting called “Hope”; a glimpse of hope in this journey keeps me warm. No matter how dark the situation, let me always hold on to the steady light of hope”. In relation to how I used to feel about myself there is a painting called “Halted”, it feels as
if life is on hold, waiting in despair in this imaginary cage….looking forward to being released back into the ocean, so a normal life can be resumed. I can’t seem to be a normal mermaid anymore”.
Q. How do you think the world views women that have gone through this? Sympathetically, with compassion, or judgmentally ? How does it make you feel to think about an outsider’s point of view?
A. Obviously, at first it is not so easy to digest the news and it may be difficult to talk about it. As time goes by, it is better to talk about it and share one’s experience with the world. I think most women do not like to have a pathetic sympathy like we feel sorry for you. Cancer is just like other million illnesses. It is vague and uncertain and it is highly fatal. But believe me, once we go through this passage we will never care about trivial issues any more, things like who says what, gets wiped out completely from our book of life.
Q. In relation to spreading awareness about breast cancer, do you think that the world is doing enough of it? Do you feel worried for women in general in relation to the risk of not being proactive?
A. I feel that in America they are doing very well by informing women about their annual check up and awareness. However, when you refer to the world, my answer is no. Some European countries because of their free health system, the routine for check up is every two years and this is way too late. Yes I am worried as it looks like every other woman either had the experience herself or a member of her family has gone through it. I had a show in New York recently in April at ArtExpo show 2014 for my mermaid collection, out of every 5 women visitors to my collection, at least two claimed that have had breast cancer; even some men were victims too.
Q. Why did you choose mermaids to express yourself? What do they mean to you?
A. I chose mermaid because it is a mystic symbol. I needed to see myself as a mermaid. It can be real since part of it relates to a human figure. My cancer was real, however a mermaid is considered as a myth, something that does not really exist, so what is happening to me is a wish for not being in existence relates to mermaid. Mermaids are also surrounded by fish, ocean, plants, flowers. They signify life and happiness but promise no eternity.
Q. If you could scream one thing at the top of your lungs to the world as a whole in relation to your experience, what would it be?
A. Have strong faith in your own spirit. Bad and good things both happen to all of us. We all are here for a reason .Each of us serves a purpose in life. It is for us to utilize these experiences in a positive format and share them with next generation. Make a difference while you are here.
Q. If you could scream one thing at the top of your lungs to women in general what would it be?
A. Be comfortable with your bodies. Love yourselves first, put yourselves first because the world is not a world without her.
Q. From your work and willingness to be outspoken in relation to breast cancer, you must have grown from your experience to become an even more powerful woman. Are there words that can describe this? Do you have a piece of work that shows this feeling?
A. Yes, it has totally changed my view about life. I have become more observant and more appreciative. I did two paintings in this relation one in November 2010 , called “Detach” , “ Everything seems black or white at this point, must get disconnected emotionally and set the body and soul free… The root of suffering is attachment. Happiness is learning how to love and appreciate while remaining independent.” Floral patterns signify 
separation from reality. Another one is called “Protection”, what empowers one is the sense of protection towards her offspring. I am not yet done with the task. My Guardian Angel is watching over me.”
Q. Why art? What about painting has been the most therapeutic for you?
A. Painting is another form of exercise for the body and mind. During my treatment I had a lot of pain since I had to stop my medication for my RA in order not to interfere with cancer treatment. Most of the time I was out of function. When I was painting since I had to concentrate and get absorbed into my image, there was a good of 7-8 hours of work out and not feeling the pain and felt as I have come out of gym with good few hours of body exercise. It was taking me away from all my fear and worries as I was traveling to another land. According to the latest research, it has been proved that music and art will definitely increase the immune system of the cancer patients. That is why UCSD hospital is launching a new program for the cancer section to receive art therapy.
Q. When you see women (or men for that matter) looking at your pieces, what message or ? do you hope is coming through?
A. First of all I am hoping that the people who have gone through the same path would relate to my painting and be more open about their experiences. Once you feel relaxed about it believe me cancer somehow disappears and will not return. Second, I like to encourage them to get themselves engaged in some sort of art. It works better than group therapies etc….it is more private and has the same effect. I have intended to share my experience of this journey throughout my paintings with others and hope they do the same in order to save their own health and sanity.